Restoration
by Meatball42
Summary: Things have finally gone too far.


**Warning: Vague spoilers for 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon and 9.01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here.**  
**Author's note: All capitalization is intentional. You have been warned. I'm sorry, I thought about this way too much. Written for my trope-bingo square 'Deathfic.'**

[*]

Death is the only being who can sneak up on Him. It's really fucking annoying.

"Have you been watching your children lately," the being remarks casually, and seriously, the suits have Tony Stark's house surrounded, It couldn't wait until after the epic fight scene?

"Damn you," God curses. The complimentary champagne wobbles on the table next to the penthouse door, and Death's clothing flaps from the force of it. The being Itself, of course, doesn't so much as blink. Dick.

God resettles His kettlecorn, picking up the pieces that spilled when Death startled Him. "I. Am. On. Vacation," He says firmly. "If you'd bothered to ask Joshua first, you'd know. If this is an emergency, pray to Michael. He can help." With that, God blinks at the television and Iron Man 3 starts again. God sighs with pleasure at the surround sound.

Until it cuts out. "What is your problem?" God shouts. "It's my day off!"

"Getting closer to a week now, isn't it?" Death says slowly.

God rolls His eyes. "Whatever. I've only been on for a hundred thousand years."

Death nods contemplatively. God considers returning to His movie, but huffs and settles in for a wait.

"So old, so many children and you still don't know how to be a good parent?"

God's jaw drops, and the firmament of the Universe briefly stops expanding. Then He's on his feet, in Death's face. "How dare you?" He growls. "No one speaks to me like that!"

Death watches Him like It's got not a single shit to give. If He wasn't about to rip It apart by Its quarks, God might find it impressive. "As I recall, someone did."

The room starts to shake, along with the rest of Hawaii. God does not like it when people mention his second son.

Death doesn't seem to notice. "Perhaps that's why I like him so much."

"What do you want?" God demands.

"I want for you to return to your children. They are starting to misbehave without a parent present. At the very least, find a babysitter."

The television explodes. Death's eyes flicker, and it is remade before the glass or plasma can reach their clothing.

God ignores the faux pas. "I have Michael. I don't need a babysitter."

"Michael is… unavailable at the moment."

God grinds His teeth. "Fine. I'll go back. Have they taken over the whole pool yet?"

Death steps away from the door, gesturing for God to go before It. "They did try."

God stops. "Wait, like- the Apocalypse?"

Death inclines Its head regally.

"Damn it! It's about a thousand years early! Jesus hasn't even gone back yet!" God whines. "Why can't I take one freaking week to myself without them trying to bring about the End of Days?"

"There have been a few hostile takeovers as well," Death comments casually.

God stomps His foot. On the other side of the planet, an island appears in the middle of the ocean. "Did they forget everything I ever taught them?"

"An observer might consider bad parenting skills."

God glares, and the side of Death's mouth turns up slightly. Its sense of humor has always approached dehydration levels of dry. "What are you doing here anyway? How I run my planets isn't really any of your business, is it?"

Death blinks at Him. "I found one I like."

God shakes His head, startled again. "Really?" He thinks for a moment. "Must be pretty interesting. Should I take a look?"

Death's eyebrow inches up. "I would recommend it."

Sarcasm. That wasn't there a thousand years ago when God last saw It. Like It needed another weapon in Its arsenal. "You know I could rip you apart in an instant, right?" He comments, just to keep things even.

Death manages to look amused without moving a muscle. "Could you really?"

God barely keeps from sticking His tongue out.

They leave. On the television, the fight scene on Iron Man 3 concludes, halfway through creation.


End file.
